From the moment we’re born, our physical bodies begin to die. When we’re young, we don’t really give much thought to our own mortality. It isn’t until much later in life that we begin to acknowledge that we are getting closer to the end of our life story. This usually begins when we start noticing an increasing number of celebrities or other public figures who pass away that are close in age to ourselves.
For some, thinking of one’s own death might seem morbid, but why should it? As unpleasant as you may think of it, it’s going to happen to all of us at some point. We can’t prevent it, and you might even question if it’s possible to try and delay the inevitable. Depending on your beliefs, you could do all of the right things with respect to living a healthy life… exercise regularly, eat nutritious and healthy foods, abstain from alcohol (or enjoy in moderation 😏), yet you could still pass away at a young age because ultimately it’s out of your control.
During antiquity, one of the practices utilized by the Stoics is the concept of negative visualization. The Stoics sought to live a peaceful life, and that involved minimizing anxiety. Negative visualization is a mental exercise of identifying what could happen that we might consider to be bad, or undesirable. Through this exercise, as you identify different undesirable events that might occur. You then work through various courses of action should they become a reality. Additionally, by considering different undesirable events, should they occur you will be less likely to be caught off guard and possibly over react, and thus experience less stress and anxiety. In the corporate world, you could associate this practice with the task of Risk Mitigation and Management. You could think of negative visualization like an immunization for your mind. If you get a flu shot, it might not prevent you from getting the flu, but it might lessen the severity of it. Same holds true for negative visualization… it might not eliminate all stress and anxiety when something undesirable happens, but it can lessen the severity or duration you choose to experience. The key being, YOU choose how you react and to what extent.
It’s also important to understand that when practicing negative visualization, it’s not meant to be an all day exercise where you are trying to think of every possible situation or scenario that might disrupt your day. If you did, you might begin to think the safest thing to do is never leave the house for fear of what “might” happen. Instead, apply it to things you think are important or might cause a significant impact to your routine over the course of the day, week, month, etc. When preparing to leave for work, you might think to yourself, “On the way, I could get a flat tire, or become involved in an accident. That would cause me to be late for work.” If either happen, being late for work is now out of your control so worrying about it won’t get you there any sooner. Addressing a flat tire is easier than an accident. But if it were an accident, you know you’d need to contact your insurance and if your vehicle wasn’t drivable, arrange for towing. You’d also need to figure out a way to get to work, or at least contact work to let them know your situation. You can’t change what has occurred, you can only try to react to it as calmly and efficiently as possible.
One area of negative visualization the Stoics were particularly mindful of was death, not only their own, but also of friends and family. For me, this is something that has been resonating more lately, particularly with respect to my dad. My dad is in his 80’s, and the reality is, any day could be “his” day. He is still very active and isn’t giving any indications of slowing down. Last year he went on four over-seas trips, and this year, he has already gone on one and has two more in the next three months. I sometimes get the impression he is doing so much traveling lately because he fears his own mortality and all the travelling distracts him from it.
When we talk, I can tell his own mortality bothers him by some of the things he says. About a year ago he started referring to his life like a NASCAR race. He’ll often say he’s in turn four and can see the checkered flag. He also doesn’t like to refer to himself as “old”. He says he prefers to think of himself as “experienced” instead. When he first said that, I told him I have no problem with getting old. In fact, I embrace it because it means the older I get the more opportunities I’ll have to experience things and create memories. As I get “old”, I’ll get to watch my daughters go through life, and have opportunities to share in their experiences too.
Regarding my dad, there are times when we talk, I can hear the fatigue in his voice. It’s usually on those days when he makes comments about being old. Despite his staying active and continuing to travel, I have noticed his memory isn’t as sharp. It’s not uncommon for him to repeat a story or tell me about something he’s done recently over the course of several conversations. I’ve also noticed those instances have become more frequent over the past year. Despite his getting older, he at least still has his sense of humor. We were talking before his upcoming trip, and he commented about it being a 17 hour plane ride and he hoped the plane doesn’t crash. I told him if it’s his time… it’s his time. He kind of chuckled and said, “True, but I don’t want to be on the plane with it’s the pilots time.”
We are organic machines, and like all machines, we gradually function less efficiently as the years go by until we eventually break down. I don’t ignore the reality of my dad’s age or gradual mental decline. Instead, it serves as an aspect of negative visualization for me. When his day eventually comes, it will place additional responsibilities on me and require I make sudden adjustments to my routine. It will require me to take time off from work, travel to where he lives, manage his estate, and inform remaining family members. I can’t say how I’ll react when that time comes, but I feel I’ll be better prepared as a result of negative visualization.
We all hope to live a long life, but how long we live is unknown and out of our control. To the Stoics, it isn’t so much about living a long life as it is living a good life.