Suffering arises from trying to control what is uncontrollable, or from neglecting what is within our power. -Epictetus
Stress… something people claim is the reason for their bad mood, lack of focus, anxiety, or any other ill temper they exhibit. Stress falls into two categories; from undesired events in life (bad stress) and from positive events (good stress).
Good stress, you might be thinking “how can there be good stress?” Consider the various events in your life when you had to make a big decision or made a significant change… such as buying a house, starting a new job, getting married, or retiring. All of these events are typically considered to be positive life experiences.
Bad stress, this isn’t difficult to categorize. Basically anything you believe gives you grief and worry. For the sake of discussion, lets identify a few that people typically associate with “bad stress”: excessive debt, unsatisfying job, unpleasant work environment, unsatisfying marriage/relationship, and the list could go on.
Consider the quote from Epictetus at the top and then think of things typically considered as bad stress. Of those things, how many are within your control and how many aren’t? What are you worrying about that you have no control over? What are you worrying about and telling yourself there’s nothing you can do about it even though you can always change your situation in life? If you aren’t happy with your job environment, what steps have you taken to try and improve the situation? There’s nothing preventing you from updating your resume and exploring what opportunities might be available. New doors might open that lead to an entirely new career, better work hours, career advancement, or better benefits.
Often people claim excessive debt is a cause for their stress. Prior to the fallout from the Covid lock-downs, if someone complained about the amount of debt they have, what are the sources of that debt? Credit card debt is a problem for many people, but how did the debt occur? Through discretionary spending, by choosing to make purchases out of desire and not need, and telling yourself the purchase could be paid off in a few months. Repeat that process a few times and then add monthly interest and you’ve dug yourself a nice financial hole to climb out of. Some people may claim they had no choice due to other life circumstances such as medical bills or a loss of job. That’s not a valid answer because there are always choices… mortgage companies, medical companies, and utility companies will work with you and have programs to assist during financial hardships. The last thing a mortgage company wants is for you to default. Additionally, the interest on a mortgage will always be significantly lower than that of a credit card.
For people who say they are living paycheck-to-paycheck… why is that? Making that claim is usually an acknowledgement of living beyond your means. If you have a house you can’t afford or a vehicle that is expensive to maintain and operate, no one told you to make those purchases. I know people who bought a house that is more than they need and now they say they can’t afford to do other things they would like. When they bought the bigger house they didn’t consider utilities would be higher, homeowners insurance would be more, and property taxes would be more (and increases every year). The same holds true for someone who buys an expensive car and doesn’t consider maintenance might be more expensive, insurance costs, or potentially lower gas mileage. These decisions have a ripple effect that if aren’t considered, lead people to turn towards credit cards as the solution for other expenses. And the debt hole gets a little deeper.
A little over a year ago I began applying this perspective to my own life. I have a job that offers good benefits but I wasn’t happy with the work environment. I was like so many others in that I had a revolving balance on my credit card that never seemed to go down. I took a step back and evaluated my situation; I quickly realized my work environment offered a lot of opportunity to pursue diverse projects. I just needed to stop getting frustrated by the organizational politics (out of my control) and focus on communicating with my supervisor about areas where I could help improve processes (in my control). I have since led two projects and been given responsibility over process improvement efforts. As for my debt… I looked at all of my non-essential spending (in my control) and identified where I could make cuts. I didn’t eliminate all non-essential spending, I just reduced the amounts significantly. I also made adjustments to recurring expenses such as TV, cellphone, utilities, and internet service. By shopping around when contract renewals came up I was able to reduce those combined expenses by $165. per month. When I purchased my current vehicle I opted for a pre-owned vehicle (2 years old); it was obviously less expensive than a new vehicle and the insurance was less. A new vehicle depreciates roughly 10% as soon as you drive it off the lot; and 20% by the end of the first year. After examining my own situation and making a few simple changes I am now much happier with my work environment, I have no credit card debt at all, and my vehicle is 100% paid for. Other than my mortgage, I have no debt and I’m putting money in savings that I wasn’t before. A welcome side affect I’ve noticed is that I’m in a more positive state of mind on a regular basis… I find I’m eating more healthy, I’m more physically active, and my daughters and I laugh a lot more together. Our over-all quality of life is much better than it was before.
There will always be things in our lives that are within our control and out of our control. If you feel you are being weighted down by “bad stress”, pause and evaluate the circumstances. Identify if the source of your perceived stress is from something you can’t control. If so, recognize that fact and accept it and move forward. Once you recognize a situation is out of your control there’s no point in fretting over it, it doesn’t improve your situation. At that point what you can control is how you choose to conduct yourself in that environment. However, if you recognize it is something you can control, you should stop worrying and start considering the positive courses of action available to you. We tend to look for excuses to justify our situation instead of taking ownership and pursuing change. You determine your direction in life.