Watching my daughters grow and mature over the years has been an amazing experience. I have grown accustom to having both of my daughters around, and the three of us doing things together. But that is about to change… in six weeks my oldest daughter will be leaving to start her own journey in life as an adult. It will just be my youngest daughter here and she is transitioning into high school. I find it to be an interesting time as a father and I’m curious as to how the next few years will unfold.
This past year my youngest daughter has undergone a transformation I’ve been a bit surprised of. It’s interesting how over the course of just a few months, her interests in things seems to have made a significant shift. The most noticeable has been her change in fashion; she has always been rather conservative and simple when it came to the clothes she would wear. However, within the past couple of months she has shifted to wearing loose fitting jeans that have several frayed holes in them and layered shirts… a short sleeve over a long sleeve, or an extremely baggy, lose fitting hooded sweatshirt. When I pick her up from school I notice many of the other kids are also wearing the jeans with holes in them so it’s apparently a popular trend. My daughter has never really been one to follow trends so I was a little surprised when she started dressing that way. I recognize she is a teenager entering high school and things are significantly different compared to when I was in high school.
Another change I’ve noticed in her is how she interacts at home. Just a year ago she would spend most of her free time in the living room with her older sister and me. Now, she tends to spend a majority of her time in her room. Before, we would play board games or card games together but now she doesn’t express much interest in doing those things any more. When I attempt to interact with her she indicates she isn’t interested, and if I ask her if there is something she would like to do, she tends to shrug her shoulders and say she doesn’t know… and then returns to her room. I have asked her if everything is ok, how things at school are going, how things are with her friends, etc… I’ve told her my job as her Dad is not to just provide a roof over her head and food to eat, but to be there for her, to help her navigate through the challenges life throws our way.
Just last summer my youngest daughter and I would go for nightly walks. It was something she suggested and I was happy she wanted to do something together, just me and her. I also enjoyed our walks because it was an opportunity for us to have random conversations. We’d talk about all kinds of things… sometimes just casual topics and sometimes about what she would like for her future after high school. Fast forward to today… we don’t go on our nightly walks anymore, and when I ask, she isn’t interested. Now when we have conversations she doesn’t seem interested to engage and if the topic is related to what she wants to do after high school, she now says she’s not sure if she even wants to go to college. I know she still has a few more years, and that her interests will probably change several more times, but I am a little concerned by the fact that she doesn’t seem to be interested in anything after high school.
I’ve tried to connect with her but every attempt seems to fall flat. I’m not a “Disneyland Dad” and I don’t spoil her. I’ve tried to raise her to have a solid moral compass, and to recognize and value her self-worth. I don’t believe she is drinking or doing drugs because she has commented how destructive those things are. Besides, when she is with me she isn’t hanging out with kids after school and she isn’t staying out late on the weekends. She only has one class where her grade is below a B, all her other classes are A’s and B’s. Maybe it’s just an aspect of her teenage years. I hope it’s only a phase because I miss the interaction we use to have just a few months ago. All I can do is continue to let her know I am always here for her, to continue to help her develop the ability to make good choices, and communicate parental concerns when they arise… in a way that lets her know I’m not disappointed, but that I still love her… and always will.