I don’t imaging it would be a stretch to say at times we all feel as though life can seem a bit chaotic and even a little overwhelming. When these instances in life occur, how much of our “feelings” of what we are experiencing is the result of a rush to judgement of the situation?
Sophrosyne (soff-row-sign) is an ancient Greek concept of an ideal of excellence of character and soundness of mind, which when combined in one well-balanced individual, leads to other qualities such as temperance, moderation, prudence, purity, decorum, and self-control.
Over the past year, the concept of sophrosyne has had a rather significant role in my life. A year ago my youngest daughter came to live with me because of the environment when she was with her mom and how she was being treated there (Finding The Calm Within A Storm). For the past year, her mom has gone out of her way to make things as difficult as possible when attempting to come to a resolution. If it wasn’t repeated claims of schedule conflicts, it was blatant refusals to respond to communications, which would require my attorney to schedule a hearing in an effort to compel a response… only to get a response usually the day before a scheduled hearing.
Everything that has occurred over the past year has shown me how being mindful of sophrosyne can help provide balance to what might seem chaotic and unbalanced. I would like to think that my efforts to be mindful of sophrosyne has also had a positive affect on my daughter since she is the one the situation affects most.
As I reflect on the events over the past year, I recognize how temperance and prudence where key to finding balance. Every delay and rescheduling was more attorney fees; every communication effort that was ignored, more attorney fees; every false allegation made against me, more attorney fees. Some times, these things seemed to occur all at the same time. The unfortunate thing about how family law seems to work here, when accusations are made, you are presumed guilty until you can prove otherwise. When these situations occurred, by applying temperance I would remind myself to not act impulsively, specially when false allegations where made against me. When false allegations are made against us, particularly in a family law environment, the initial reaction might be to counter the allegations with examples of things the accuser has done… thinking this might offset or negate the allegations. Responding in this manner isn’t an efficient use of time or energy… and does nothing to actually move forward in a positive way.
By applying prudence, before taking any action, I would either tell myself or ask myself: will this help the situation or hurt it; regardless if the reason given was true or not, a schedule delay is out of my control so don’t worry about it; when a false allegation was made, what proof could I provide to show it to be false. This exercise helped me make wiser decisions that didn’t feed into the other sides’ attempts to create drama and chaos; but instead helped provide balance.
Being mindful of sophrosyne also helped to show my daughter that no matter how hard her mom tried to make things difficult for us, we could be the better person and not allow ourselves to fall prey to those efforts. For me, the key was to recognize if I became frustrated by something, and if I did, to instead focus my attention on something else. At times, I’m sure my daughter noticed instances when I became frustrated regarding the situation involving her mom. But by not dwelling on it, it showed my daughter that I wasn’t letting it consume me and have a negative affect on our environment and each other.
Unfortunately this game isn’t over just yet… but knowing I have a mechanism for managing undesirable situations helps create peace of mind that things are never as bad as initially perceived. When these tools are properly put to use, balance will naturally return.
Our character is forged by the challenges we face, and how we choose to face them. We are incredibly resilient and our will can never be taken from us, we can only give it up. Stay strong and push on!