Being a parent… it’s not rocket science. At some point while growing up we either heard one of our parents or someone else say, “You think being a parent is easy? You didn’t come with a manual.”
I’m a father to two daughters (10 & 14) and I have loved every aspect of being a father since the day my first daughter was born. Don’t get me wrong, there have been times when one or both of them have frustrated me beyond belief (and I’m sure I’ve done the same to them, but isn’t that part of being a parent? haha) but when I think of those instances, I realize they have been a learning opportunity for us both. For me, those instances taught me to be more patient which I’d like to think has helped make me a better father to them. And for my daughters, hopefully to be better people in general.
They have the same mother, my ex-wife, so they come from the same set of genes yet their personalities are so very different. I recognize their differences and try to capitalize on that fact, what each of them likes and dislikes, what their interests are and what they’re not interested in, what their strengths are and where they tend to struggle. By recognizing the uniqueness and differences between their personalities, I try to incorporate that into our interactions together and believe it has helped to create a stronger relationship between us.
I sometimes wonder how many parents truly “know” their children. Just because someone has a child, it doesn’t make them a “parent”. There is a difference between “hearing” and “listening” and how many of us parents actually listen to what our kids are saying? As parents we should to be engaged with our children and what is going on in their lives but not enmeshed… there’s a balance. If we aren’t engaged, as parents how can we be their mentors and guides?
Technology seems to be embedded in almost every aspect of our daily lives. Kids today have TV’s, computers (internet access), and video game consoles in their rooms. Kids with cell phones seem to be getting younger and younger. All of these devices and technology have in a sense become built in baby sitters for kids. This in turn results in parents not being engaged with their kids because their kids end up spending most of their time either in their rooms on the computer online or playing video games; and if the kids aren’t in their room they still tend to have their face buried in a cell phone screen. The next time you’re at a restaurant look around at the other families… how many of the kids are on some sort of mobile device? I know some parents will say that by allowing their kids to have a device while at a restaurant helps keep them from getting bored or fussy and makes the restaurant experience more enjoyable. I won’t argue that, but then are kids not recognizing that going out to dinner at a restaurant use to be something “special”?
I am by no means trying to tell others how to be parents, I’m just presenting a perspective that has evolved from some of my observations.
From my perspective, being a parent doesn’t require a manual… it just requires common sense.