I believe everyone strives to live a peaceful life that is stress-free as possible. For many, it might not be an active conscious effort, but more the result of avoiding confrontation and conflict when they become aware of its potential. I don’t think anyone ever says, “You know, things have been going really well lately. I need to add a little drama to my life to mix things up a bit.”
The reality is no matter how hard we try to avoid the storms of life, they are going to occur. And when they do, we can’t allow ourselves to get lost in the storm. No matter how unpleasant a situation might seem in the moment, there is always something positive that comes from it. It might not be immediately recognizable, but it’s there… we just have to be willing to realize it.
Since the end of March of this year, my daughter and I have been in a storm. The storm clouds started to develop when my daughter called me at 12:45 AM crying. She was at her mom’s house and said she didn’t want to be there any more. I asked her what had happened, and she explained that her mom was irritated with her for having to take her to work and pick her up at the end of her shift whenever she worked. My daughter told me the situation deteriorated when her mom said it wasn’t her responsibility to get her to school, or work, or take her any other place.
Since that night, my daughter has been living with me. After that night, my daughter made several attempts to get her clothes from her mom’s house, only to discover her mom locked her out of the house. She attempted to contact her mom so she could get her clothes, and every time her mom ignored her. Eventually my daughter received a text from her mom saying she was putting her clothes on the front porch for her to pick up, and she would need to return the cell phone to her mom.
Despite this initial storm, the moments of calm we found have been obvious. For four months there had been absolutely no contact from her mom and there was a noticeable change in my daughter. She was smiling a lot more and interacting with me in a more spontaneous and light hearted manner. I could tell she felt at ease knowing she was no longer in that environment.
Unfortunately this storm isn’t over, and the clouds got darker. Since my daughter was no longer spending time at her mom’s, her mom cut off all communication, and I was still paying child support, I decided the order needed to be modified to reflect the new situation. A proposed modification was sent to my ex back in May and she rejected the proposal and refused to discuss any alternatives. I wasn’t surprised by her response… why would she want to agree to change anything because she was still getting child support and our daughter wasn’t in her environment.
It is now August and this still hasn’t been resolved. The ex and her attorney are doing everything they can to delay and drag this out. There has been one initial hearing so far, and the judge put in place temporary orders that designates my house as my daughters home and primary residence, but unfortunately she has to see her mom a few weekends every month and Thursday of every week. My daughter said the first visit was very awkward, and her mom kept asking her questions about what has been going on.
My daughter will be 18 in less than a year, and my attorney is trying to propose that she has more of a say regarding her visitation with her mom. The issue we’re currently dealing with is that my ex and her attorney are trying to delay any effort to finalize this until at least October.
Despite all the turbulence and external attempts to make things unpleasant for us, my daughter and I still manage to find calm within the storm. Recently my daughter had a birthday and she wanted to go out to dinner with a group of her friends. After dinner, her and her friends went to a nearby park to take pictures. As I sat on a bench in the distance, I could hear my daughter and her friends laughing and I knew this was a clam within the storm for her. That evening she was able to be with her friends and forget about everything else. At one point my daughter asked me when we needed to leave and I told her this was her day and she could spend as much time with her friends as she wanted.
I stayed in that park, sitting on the bench for several hours as my daughter and her friends explored various shops in the area. Sitting on the bench, I listened to the sounds of the breeze as the leaves on the trees gently danced. I felt good inside knowing that my daughter was smiling and laughing with her friends. I had found a moment of calm in the storm…. I sat there, reflecting on how thankful I was for being able to give my daughter this day and allow her to create memories with her friends. I also reminded myself that no matter how unpleasant I thought things were, there were others in the world who were enduring something much worse. I sat there on the bench, just being thankful that I was able to be there… sitting on the bench.
When I think of the time that has past since the end of March, my daughter and I have had more moments of calm than chaos from the storm. But when the storm has come, it has hit us with no warning and temporarily creates a state of disarray. Despite that, my daughter and I weather the storm and manage to see the sunshine on the other side.
Doing the right thing isn’t always easy, and often it ends up challenging us to the point where we begin to question if we’ve made the right decision. And sometimes, when we choose to do the right thing we do so knowing that a storm will most likely come our way. But we push on because we know the sacrifices and discomfort we will endure will be short lived, and the reward for doing the right thing will remain with us long after the sacrifices and discomfort from the storm have passed.