As a parent, watching our children have an epiphany that they are about to become an adult can be an emotional experience. For the child, the emotions can be of both excitement and worry… excitement because they are making the transition to adulthood and greater independence; and worry because for the first time, they might be responsible for all of their own financial needs.
For us parents, our emotions can also be of both excitement and worry as well… excitement because we’ve already experienced what they are about to go through and we remember what it was like with respect to the feelings of sudden independence and freedom. We also experience the excitement of what the future might hold for our children. But we also worry, because for the first time, we won’t always be there to help guide them. All we can do is hope that during all those times our children rolled their eyes as we tried to give them advise, they were also listening to what we were saying.
My youngest daughter has started to experience that epiphany as she only has one more year of school and has realized she needs to prepare for what lies ahead. From the time she was eligible to get her driver’s license, she has put it off. She claimed she didn’t want to deal with her mother and become her designated driver at all hours of the night. She also indicated that she would like to get a job, but not having a driver’s license makes it more challenging. She has found herself in a Catch-22 type of situation… didn’t want to get a driver’s license, but needs one to make it easier to get a job…
Accepting the unavoidable reality, she has started the process of getting her license. She has also managed to get her first job, and until she gets her driver’s license, I’m acting as her Uber driver. I don’t mind since it helps her gain experience and build financial responsibility; but I’ll be glad when she finally gets her license. When she works the closing shift it makes for some very late nights… well after midnight.
Having a job has been a bit of an eye-opener for her. Most of her classes are either advanced placement or honors level, which results in significantly more homework compared to at-level classes. On the nights she works the closing shift, it’s not uncommon for her to finally get to bed around 2:00 AM due to homework. Fortunately she only has a couple more weeks of school before summer starts and she won’t have to get up so early in the mornings. Until then, I’ve been functioning as her backup alarm clock. In the morning when I notice her bedroom light isn’t on, I’ll knock and check if she’s awake. On more than one occasion I’ve checked on her and despite her sitting up in bed and saying she’s “up”, she falls back asleep and ends up in a mad rush to get ready for school.
By the time she starts her final year of school she should have her driver’s license. To re-enforce the importance of self responsibility, I don’t plan to act as her backup alarm clock any more. She will quickly realize she needs to be responsible and ensure she meets her obligations. Hopefully this will also show her the importance of time management, and that you can’t always do the “fun” things you want.
It’s going to be an interesting transition for her because I get the sense she has taken a lot of things for granted. When I no longer ensure she is up in time for school or work, she will quickly realize the consequences… cutting the proverbial umbilical cord. I don’t want to see her potentially lose her job because she fails to show up on time, but I feel it could be one of those lessons in life that sometimes needs to be learned the hard way.
I guess this is an aspect some might refer to as tough love….